Well. How to begin this post. I think two words are appropriate here: Wow, seriously?
I don't know about you, but that movie . . . wow. I have no words to describe the searing disappointment I feel. (But, alas, I will move on.) The trailer's rule of thumb struck viciously and without remorse here, ripping apart a story that could have otherwise been very good, very good indeed.
When first introduced to the characters, you find yourself wondering which ones will die. You know what's going to happen. The movie's predictability is astounding, to say the least. I found myself wishing--hoping, praying, begging--for something to jump out and scare me. Sadly, nothing did.
My second problem with this movie is inconsistency. Sure, the van's wires get chewed. But the battery also dies. And when Paul and the others find the wires, they rejoice. Huzzah! We can leave! And when they find the video left by Paul's brother Chris, the van's lights are still on. What happened to the dead battery?! What, did some magic bolt of lightning strike and restore all power, every engine go? No, that's not acceptable.
 |
| Smile! You're all going to die! |
Another thing I noted about the movie was that we never saw the stupid mutants. We had a bit of a flash here and there, but I think seeing them would have brought a WHOA aspect to the movie, really. Not knowing the bald, nasties' faces was just . . . disappointing.
Ah, disappointment. The constant use of the "F" word was not only excessive, but easily avoidable. That much F-bomb dropping really REALLY detracts from what's going on in the film. All you can here is the F word and you forget that, oh, I'm watching a movie, not a bunch of punk kids in a bad situation.
Another thing: the ending? Yeah, typical horror style: DISAPPOINTING AND UNFULFILLING. I sat back, brow furrowed, eyes wide, jaw slack. What. The. Heck. Let me summarize the movie for you in one sentence: Tourists running away from mutants we never get to see. The end.
I was thoroughly let down by the slack writing and poor execution Chernobyl Diaries had to offer. Then again, what have we come to expect but this from Oren Peli? 1 kernel out of 5.
P.S. The idea of mutants in Chernobyl I came up with two years ago. THIS IS PLAGIARISM.
