The Book Cover Rule of Thumb

I almost fell asleep, Roland March.

            We’ve all heard it: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Yet we do it anyway, and for good reason. We read with our aesthetic appeal before we read with our logic center. (Fancy words for, “Good artwork attracts.”) But why is that? Bah, I don’t know. I’m not here to explain some high-end scientific fact. I’m here to lay down a jam, son.

            Sort of.

            What I want to say is this: Judge books by their covers, but at discretion. For example, looking back I can see that Back On Murder by J. Mark Bertrand’s cover looks like it’ll be a cookie-cutter cop story about a rogue middle-ager looking for his identity. That’s exactly what we received. And Eon: Dragoneye Reborn by Alison Goodman told us to prepare for a mystical journey through a fantastic land. Which is also what happened.

            But then there are exceptions, the ones that fool you. For instance, Dragon’s Blood by Jane Yolen gives us the idea we’re about to receive some cheap sci-fi knock-off and we’ll be disappointed. Far from it! That book is rife with creativity and originality. It was great! Or Issym by Jessie Mae Hodsdon, for another example. The cover gave us the impression we would get a fantastic fantasy bursting at the seams with adventure and grit. Dragons! Woo! Were we disappointed? Uh, yeah.

WHERE IS YOUR GRIT?!?!

            Here’s the lowdown. Covers serve a purpose. They’re supposed to attract the reader so that any other book in mind gets forgotten and the eye-catching one gets picked up. Yeah, I know. Cheap media influence: Shiny is better. But alas. That’s what we’ve gotten into. But that can be overcome! Despite the cover, the writing and story are always what prevail in the land of writing. While the cover may be glossy and pretty, if the writing sucks, forget it. So judge books by their cover, but only after you’ve had a taste of the writing and story within. Then you’ll see just how appealing the book really is.

Movie Review: Chernobyl Diaries

     Well. How to begin this post. I think two words are appropriate here: Wow, seriously?

     I don't know about you, but that movie . . . wow. I have no words to describe the searing disappointment I feel. (But, alas, I will move on.) The trailer's rule of thumb struck viciously and without remorse here, ripping apart a story that could have otherwise been very good, very good indeed.

     When first introduced to the characters, you find yourself wondering which ones will die. You know what's going to happen. The movie's predictability is astounding, to say the least. I found myself wishing--hoping, praying, begging--for something to jump out and scare me. Sadly, nothing did.

     My second problem with this movie is inconsistency. Sure, the van's wires get chewed. But the battery also dies. And when Paul and the others find the wires, they rejoice. Huzzah! We can leave! And when they find the video left by Paul's brother Chris, the van's lights are still on. What happened to the dead battery?! What, did some magic bolt of lightning strike and restore all power, every engine go? No, that's not acceptable.

Smile! You're all going to die!

     Another thing I noted about the movie was that we never saw the stupid mutants. We had a bit of a flash here and there, but I think seeing them would have brought a WHOA aspect to the movie, really. Not knowing the bald, nasties' faces was just . . . disappointing.

      Ah, disappointment. The constant use of the "F" word was not only excessive, but easily avoidable. That much F-bomb dropping really REALLY detracts from what's going on in the film. All you can here is the F word and you forget that, oh, I'm watching a movie, not a bunch of punk kids in a bad situation.

     Another thing: the ending? Yeah, typical horror style: DISAPPOINTING AND UNFULFILLING. I sat back, brow furrowed, eyes wide, jaw slack. What. The. Heck. Let me summarize the movie for you in one sentence: Tourists running away from mutants we never get to see. The end.

     I was thoroughly let down by the slack writing and poor execution Chernobyl Diaries  had to offer. Then again, what have we come to expect but this from Oren Peli? 1 kernel out of 5.

P.S. The idea of mutants in Chernobyl I came up with two years ago. THIS IS PLAGIARISM.