TOP 10 IRRELEVANT GOOGLE IMAGES RESULTS: Heart of Flame

            Passing this up would be a crime.

            Tonight, while searching for a heart made of fire with the key words “heart of flame,” Google gave me some interesting and perplexing image results that part of me cannot fully comprehend. Seeing as the task of singling out only five became impossible, you can consider this post a bonus round. We have a Top 10!

RESULTS FOR “HEART OF FLAME”

10)       This conductor:

Perhaps the relevance came up not in text, but in passion.

This conductor has a heart filled with flaming passion for music!

9)         Someone burning at the pyre:

While I know this *technically* isn’t a pyre, it certainly looks

like neither someone burning at the stake nor some strange

sacrificial ritual. Therefore, I’m calling it a pyre.

8)         An Alpine Grim Reaper backed by a Viking face:

I’m thinking this Reaper is bringing the flame to his frozen home world

as a sort of reviving effect for the healthy people. A paradox, you say?

Well, when you live in the cold climates and you’re the only Reaper,

wouldn’t you get tired, too?

7)         A samurai helmet:

The only things I can think of are 1) I hope this isn’t real, 2) if

it isn’t, that’s an awesome custom job, and 3) Japan *is* the

Land of the Rising Sun.

6)         Ella Fitzgerald:

Explain this one to me, because I don’t know.

5)         This waterfall:

The waterfall, perhaps, symbolizes Yellowstone, and beneath Yellowstone

is the volcano, so…yes? No? (I think we’ll go with no.)

4)         The Not-Bad-Obama meme:

To explain this, I’m going to show you a Bad Translator screenshot I took myself.

Either way, I still don’t think it makes any sense.

3)         A Munsters portrait:

…?

2)         The Virgin Mary:

I don’t know if I find this result more funny or confusing. Mary’s heart

in this picture is neither a flame or on fire, so I can’t see any possible

relevance that could be taken from this in *any* way. Ever.

1)         A random banner:

So far as my research suggests, Hatfest is a music and culture festival.

That’s as far as the research goes, because I can’t see what this

has to do with my search input.

            Again, readers, I’m not sure why Google is so weird, and the Internet so labyrinthine, but I can’t honestly complain that it bothers me too much. In fact, though I run into a lot of “If it hadn’t been for my horse, I wouldn’t have made it through college” situations, more often than not they afford me a good deal of humor. Yes, there are moments when shaking my head is the only thing I can do besides weep, but in these moments a peculiar and inexplicable loveliness is found. People are weird; *I* am weird. Therefore, I am not alone.

            And neither are any of you. The ranks are open. Come join us!

Top 5 Irrelevant Google Images Results: Pickled Pigs Feet

            In my post yesterday, I told you that I’d been mulling over an ongoing serial of posts to put up every now and again: Top 5 Irrelevant Google Images Results. Currently I’m doing some concept art for a short story I want to write, and some of my searches produced…less-than-relevant results. For instance, searching Google Images for “bright green eyes” gave me something like this:

            Yeah. I, uh…I don’t know. I really don’t.

            Then, the other week, I attempted to come up with something similar to that for my first Irrelevance post. I have a permanent mental Post-It saying, “WHEN YOU TRY ON PURPOSE, YOU GET NOTHING.” And it’s true, really. Tonight I searched Google Images for a Facebook profile picture I’d like, and when I typed in “p,” I got “pickle,” and one of the suggestions below that was “pickled pigs feet.” Well…I’ve never really seen one up close or out of a jar. Curiosity took over.

            Without trying, I got my first post.

            5) This mug shot:

I’m pretty sure there was an article about sausages linked (see what I did there?)

to this picture, but I didn’t go to the blog. I’m distracted easily enough

as it is. Roaming more than I planned is a good way for me to

forget anything I had planned to do until I’m half asleep.

Cake Wrecks, you’re amazingly distracting. And I love you all.

            4) A fried pig’s head:

Not sure what this has to do with pickled pigs’ feet, but sure, Google. Sure.

            3) Armour canned pork brains (BONUS: they're in milk and gravy):

This is real. I’m not joking. Yes, it is disgusting. Eating a brain is like

eating the thoughts and memories and feelings of the person/animal

from which the brain came. I don’t savor that thought.

            2) Cats sniffing a chess piece:

I honestly can’t think of anything to say about this.

1)      The Keebler Elves:

…I…just can’t…

Maybe the Keebler Elves have an underground butchering business...?

            I can’t really bring myself to think too hard for an explanation to some of these, and sometimes I think delving too deeply into mysteries like Google Irrelevance can bring about things we regret seeing or reading about. For posts like these, I’ll take the mystery at arms’ length, thank you.